jeudi 9 juillet 2009
Work under way, again
We're approaching the long July 14 weekend, in which nothing will be done Monday or Tuesday. Bets are open to see if they'll be back on Wednesday.
I think the fear of God has sunk in. The letter back in April, or May, was it?, seems to have had the desired effect.
You'll note the sky. It's July.
There's a brilliant ray of late evening sunlight on the same façade right now. I know because I can see it on the trees out the window from where I sit.
If I weren't so tired from a "suite de soirs" out on the town and with friends and family, I'd actually go take another, cheerier picture. We'l see.
Op, it's gone.
Ah! It's back.
By the way, some of the tadpoles are up to 3 cm long. Much fatter, they still have tails, but no rear legs yet. I don't see as many, but they swim around, dart under the bottom plants and seem more wary of me.
....
mercredi 8 juillet 2009
Will you be there?
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My husband loved this. When I came down from getting ready to go to dinner, he turned to me from where he was sitting on the couch, listening to the Reverand Jesse Jackson, and said, "Tu l'as entendu? Je l'ai mis plus fort pour toi, pour que tu l'entendes. C'etait vraiment beau. J'ai aimé la choréographie simple avec les gestes simples."
I realized just now that he didn't realize that it is Michael Jackson's songwriting, not a traditional gospel song.
....
Hounded out of office by... frivolous charges?
On Sarah Barracuda's troubles with the "liberal media":
"She asks for it herself, doesn't she?"
Liz Trotta, Fox News
Finally, someone (and it wasn't who you thought it would be, was it?) mentions the Max Blumenthal piece in the Daily Beast and The Nation, and I'll bet she just feels like hurling one of those Naughty Monkey pumps at that mean Liz from the conservative media, who said (she really did, too) that Maureen Dowd's piece suggesting Palin is possibly insane ("one nutty puppy") was "well written", besides being pretty much well-deserved by Alaska's chief fisherwoman with grit under her nails and slime on her bib, just like almost twin Trig's and Tripps'.
And, according to the NYT, Alaska's Lt. Governor Sean Parnell indicates that it just might be the cost to the taxpayers of Alaska (and herself... Caribou Barbie will try to make SarahPAC a multi-million dollar earner) of all those ethics charges that have been rocking the gubernatorial fishing boat down on the lake.
I could just go on and on, but I have other things to do, like finish the drawings for the glazed entry addition and courtyard paving that I have to figure out how to get elected to get the citizens of Moosesucks to pay for.
And I just love that little wink to Caribou Barbie in the twist on the name of our remote village given it by my husband, a nod to my son and my probable feelings about its desirability. These really should be The Moosesucks Journals. I know.
Keith, Richard Wolffe? Please, of course.
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No, there's nothing so dead as a dead fish. Nor as smelly. Winque!
Take it, Dave.
....
The first day, Frimeur
"Bonjour, Jacqueline!" She was grinning.
"Salut, Capucine. T'es prête?" She nodded yes; she was ready and eager. The clouds had been scudding overhead all morning, issuing sudden bursts of downpour. I looked up through the windshield.
"Je ne sais pas si vous allez avoir un temps convenable, mais je suis certaine qu'ils ont prévu quelque chose dans le cas des intemperies." Surely, they would, I thought, have something planned in the event of downpour. There is an indoor riding ring, but maybe, I thought, they keep that for the more experienced riders? I hoped they would. We talked on the way to the stables, a 15-minute drive across the boucle de la Seine to the ridge above Bonnières sur Seine, and arrived only a couple of minutes past 2 pm. The place seemed deserted, until we approached the stables, and there were riders, horses and smaller children looking a little nervous on their first day everywhere.
"Salut, Capucine," Julie welcomed her.
"Vous avez une très bonne memoire," I said. One of those stupid things you say to be nice and fade into the woodwork all at once. Of course she remembered Capucine.
"C'est parce que je l'attends avec impatience." Of course she was waiting for Capucine. She expected her in class. I assumed my place of invisibility, somewhere behind the only other parental figure still present. My cue to go ahead and leave, but not before I had shown Capucine that I wasn't dumping her, but leaving her confident that she'd have a good session. I snapped pictures, and the children learned to groom their ponies, Julie handing Capucine a too small anorak to protect her from the rain that had begun to fall again.
Mental note: stop at Decathlon before taking her home and get her an anorak.
After what felt like a decent period, I gathered my things and sidled past the kids, Julie and the ponies with a glance at Capucine to say, "I'm leaving, and you'll be fine. I'll be back." She nodded back, imperceptibly.
It poured while I sat at home and tried to work on my entry addition drawings, mostly letting myself get sidetracked with variously amusing threads on Facebook, daydreaming about horses and jumping, how I'd feel starting from scratch and learning from women half my age. Your sister is the natural, our mother said. It's funny how you believe your parents. Forever. Best not to listen to them when it isn't life-threatening, or academic record-threatening, either. Maybe we'll get to that. Maybe we won't.
When I returned, they were still in the smaller paddock, working on turning in the saddle to face backwards and then front again. Capucine had switched and was mounted on the very slightly taller Frimeur. Much littler Paul was on Bambina, and 10-year-old-going-on-11-year-old Anne, a head taller than Capucine, who is not a size 12 but more like a size 10 we learned trying on anoraks at Decathlon afterwards, was mounted on the sleek dark pony. Paul looked a little consternated. He was having listening and instruction following issues, but he was managing and Julie was manifesting infinite patience while demonstrating focus.
I watched and took more pictures.
"C'est un bridge?" a voice asked me. I turned and saw the mother standing nearby, a pocket-sized digital camera in her hand. She was slipping it into her pocket.
"Excusez-moi?"
"Un brigde. Votre appareil de photo, c'est un compact, un réflexe ou un bridge?" I thought that was what she was getting at. I felt my vocabulary suddenly dry up just when it was clear that I was about to have a conversation with a digital camera connaisseuse. Damn.
"Oui, c'est un bridge." How odd, I thought, that she isn't starting in with the 'And is this your daughter's first time, too?' line of questioning.
"C'est bien. J'ai mon compact, mais le zoom n'est pas très bon." Alright I thought. Let's go, and I'll do my best.
"C'est quoi comme zoom? 3x?" She nodded.
"Oui, est ce n'est pas très bien comme le votre l'est pour prendre les photos d'elle de loin." The conversation ranged from the digital SLRs in the amateur enthusiast range that interest us to the possibility of using les objectifs from our old appareil photo argentiques. It was nearing time to approach the topic of the children. I started first, and when she answered me, I realized that was what she had been artfully setting up all along. I admired her skill.
"C'est la première seance pour votre fille aussi?" I asked.
"Oui," she confirmed. "Elle fait un essai pour voir si ça lui plait vraiment. Elle a fait de golf avant."
"Ah, c'est autre chose le poney. Ce n'est pas ma fille, mais celle de mon mari, mais je lui ai proposé de faire de poney parce que j'ai eu le sentiment que ça lui plairait beaucoup et je pense que de monter peut donner beaucoup de confiance et d'aissance à un enfant. Elle en manque un peu, pas dans toutes les circonstances, mais souvent dans les situations sociales qu'elle ne maîtrise pas facilement --" I let it drift. You know my line of thinking if you have read this from the other day.
"Oui," she nodded, "est la relation avec l'animal est très important."
"C'est exactement ce que j'allais dire."
"Capucine --" she started to say, and I understood then that she knew her.
"Mais, vous connaissez déjà Capucine?"
"Oui, j'ai été sa maîtresse en CP," she smiled and introduced herself.
"Alors, vous connaissez également mon mari, son père?"
"Pas vraiment. J'ai eu beaucoup plus affaire avec sa mère." I nodded. That was my first year of marriage. The first year I knew Capucine.
"Oui, j'imagine. Son père est médecin hospitalier et travaille beaucoup." She nodded understandingly.
"C'est un métier très prenant." With her help, we had learned who we were and gotten through it with ease. It's not easy when you perhaps know more about the person with whom you have affaire than they can possibly know you do, and it isn't likely very nice. We talked on about her son, her work, my son, and the children finished cleaning their ponies' shoes and joined us.
"Alors, ça t'a plu encore, je vois, Capucine." She nodded, her face and arms still flushed a little red, and a band from the front pad of her helmet pressed into her high forehead. "La bombe n'est pas trop petite, j'espère?" She nodded no.
"Ca va." The teacher turned to her daughter, seated on the bench in front of us.
"Tu veux venir encore?"
"Oui!" she replied, adding, "Quand Capucine viendra encore."
"Capucine," I said to her.
"Vendredi," she supplied.
"Allez, à vendredi," said her old teacher.
"Et nous allons chercher un anorak, si tu penses que ce ne gênerait pas Maman, Capucine. Tu peux l'appeler, si tu veux."
"Ca ne posera pas de problème," dit elle. Smiling.
....
samedi 4 juillet 2009
Sarah's choice, "We've got to put first things first"
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That's what I'm doing, keep my eye on the priorities... ?
If you say it, it must be so.
You betcha'.
I know when it's time to pass the ball, for victory... ?
I really don't want to disappoint anyone with this decision that I have made... ?
It's a waste of public money and time for her to be -- governor, just because she has decided not to run for governor again? She had to announce that now?
Hm.
Some might question the timing? Hell yeah.
Trig got mocked by some pretty mean adults? So, she can't be governor? There's nothing she can do for Trig as governor?
Wait! Did she say that? We need more Trigs, not fewer? No, Sarah. No. That's wrong. It's a chromosomal abnormality. We don't need more Trigs, but the world needs to treat the Trigs with more respect and offer them acceptance, love, dignity and the opportunity to live a full life.
Sarah, oh Talibunny, we hear the frantic tears you are frantically trying to hold back through this most frantically high-pitched and Palinist of speeches, as you advance, like McArthur, frantically in another direction.
Off to prison!
Boo hoo! boohoohoohoohoo boo hoo!
Oh! Sarah, you messed up. Indeed, it is (and has been) a waste (and an abuse) of the taxpayers' money for you to be governor. Alaska does not cry for you, it laughs at you.
Hahahahahahaha! Ha! Ha! Ha hahahahaha!
A fools' fool, you are.
The transcript's below. I wonder who got the job of punctuating it.
....
Gov. Sarah Palin:
Hi Alaska, I appreciate speaking directly TO you, the people I serve, as your Governor.
People who know me know that besides faith and family, nothing's more important to me than our beloved Alaska. Serving her people is the greatest honor I could imagine.
I want Alaskans to grasp what can be in store for our state. We were purchased as a territory because a member of President Abe Lincoln's cabinet, William Seward, providentially saw in this great land, vast riches, beauty, strategic placement on the globe, and opportunity. He boldly looked "North to the Future". But he endured such ridicule and mocking for his vision for Alaska, remember the adversaries scoffed, calling this "Seward's Folly". Seward withstood such disdain as he chose the uncomfortable, unconventional, but RIGHT path to secure Alaska, so Alaska could help secure the United States.
Alaska’s mission – to contribute to America. We’re strategic IN the world as the air crossroads OF the world, as a gatekeeper of the continent. Bold visionaries knew this - Alaska would be part of America's great destiny.
Our destiny to be reached by responsibly developing our natural resources. This land, blessed with clean air, water, wildlife, minerals, AND oil and gas. It's energy! God gave us energy.
So to serve the state is a humbling responsibility, because I know in my soul that Alaska is of such import, for America’s security, in our very volatile world. And you know me by now, I promised even four years ago to show MY independence… no more conventional “politics as usual”.
And we are doing well! My administration's accomplishments speak for themselves. We work tirelessly for Alaskans.
We aggressively and responsibly develop our resources because they were created to be used to better our world... to HELP people... and we protect the environment and Alaskans (the resource owners) foremost with our policies.
Here’s some of the things we’ve done:
We created a petroleum integrity office to oversee safe development. We held the line FOR Alaskans on Point Thomson – and finally for the first time in decades – they’re drilling for oil and gas.
We have AGIA, the gasline project – a massive bi-partisan victory (the vote was 58 to 1!) – also succeeding as intended - protecting Alaskans as our clean natural gas will flow to energize us, and America, through a competitive, pro-private sector project. This is the largest private sector energy project, ever. THIS is energy independence.
And ACES – another bipartisan effort – is working as intended and industry is publicly acknowledging its success. Our new oil and gas “clear and equitable formula” is so Alaskans will no longer be taken advantage of. ACES incentivizes NEW exploration and development and JOBS that were previously not going to happen with a monopolized North Slope oil basin.
We cleaned up previously accepted unethical actions; we ushered in bi-partisan Ethics Reform.
We also slowed the rate of government growth, we worked with the Legislature to save billions of dollars for the future, and I made no lobbyist friends with my hundreds of millions of dollars in budget vetoes... but living beyond our means today is irresponsible for tomorrow.
We took government out of the dairy business and put it back into private-sector hands – where it should be.
We provided unprecedented support for education initiatives, and with the right leadership, finally filled long-vacant public safety positions. We built a sub-Cabinet on Climate Change and took heat from Outside special interests for our biologically-sound wildlife management for abundance.
We broke ground on the new prison.
And we made common sense conservative choices to eliminate personal luxuries like the jet, the chef, the junkets... the entourage.
And the Lt. Governor and I said "no" to our pay raises. So much success in this first term – and with this success I am proud to take credit... for hiring the right people! Our goal was to achieve a gasline project, more fair oil and gas valuation, and ethics reform in four years. We did it in two. It’s because of the people… good public servants surrounding the Governor's office, with servants' hearts and astounding work ethic... THEY are Alaska's success!
We are doing well! I wish you'd hear MORE from the media of your state's progress and how we tackle Outside interests - daily - SPECIAL interests that would stymie our state. Even those debt-ridden stimulus dollars that would force the heavy hand of federal government into our communities with an “all-knowing attitude” – I have taken the slings and arrows with that unpopular move to veto because I know being right is better than being popular. Some of those dollars would harm Alaska and harm America – I resisted those dollars because of the obscene national debt we’re forcing our children to pay, because of today’s Big Government spending; it’s immoral and doesn’t even make economic sense!
Another accomplishment – our Law Department protected states’ rights – TWO huge U.S. Supreme Court reversals came down against that liberal Ninth Circuit, deciding in OUR state’s favor over the last two weeks. We’re protectors of our Constitution – federalists protect states’ rights as mandated in 10th amendment.
But you don’t hear much of the good stuff in the press anymore, do you?
Some say things changed for me on August 29th last year – the day John McCain tapped me to be his running-mate – I say others changed.
Let me speak to that for a minute.
Political operatives descended on Alaska last August, digging for dirt. The ethics law I championed became their weapon of choice. Over the past nine months I've been accused of all sorts of frivolous ethics violations – such as holding a fish in a photograph, wearing a jacket with a logo on it, and answering reporters’ questions.
Every one – all 15 of the ethics complaints have been dismissed. We’ve won! But it hasn't been cheap - the State has wasted THOUSANDS of hours of YOUR time and shelled out some two million of YOUR dollars to respond to “opposition research” – that’s money NOT going to fund teachers or troopers – or safer roads. And this political absurdity, the “politics of personal destruction” … Todd and I are looking at more than half a million dollars in legal bills in order to set the record straight. And what about the people who offer up these silly accusations? It doesn’t cost them a dime so they’re not going to stop draining public resources – spending other peoples’ money in their game.
It’s pretty insane – my staff and I spend most of our day dealing with THIS instead of progressing our state now. I know I promised no more “politics as usual,” but THIS isn’t what anyone had in mind for ALASKA.
If I have learned one thing: LIFE is about choices!
And one chooses how to react to circumstances. You can choose to engage in things that tear down, or build up. I choose to work very hard on a path for fruitfulness and productivity. I choose NOT to tear down and waste precious time; but to build UP this state and our country, and her industrious, generous, patriotic, free people!
Life is too short to compromise time and resources... it may be tempting and more comfortable to just keep your head down, plod along, and appease those who demand: "Sit down and shut up", but that's the worthless, easy path; that's a quitter's way out. And a problem in our country today is apathy. It would be apathetic to just hunker down and “go with the flow”.
Nah, only dead fish "go with the flow".
No. Productive, fulfilled people determine where to put their efforts, choosing to wisely utilize precious time... to BUILD UP.
And there is such a need to BUILD up and FIGHT for our state and our country. I choose to FIGHT for it! And I'll work hard for others who still believe in free enterprise and smaller government; strong national security for our country and support for our troops; energy independence; and for those who will protect freedom and equality and LIFE... I'll work for and campaign for those PROUD to be American, and those who are INSPIRED by our ideals and won't deride them.
I WILL support others who seek to serve, in or out of office, for the RIGHT reasons, and I don't care what party they're in or no party at all. Inside Alaska – or Outside Alaska.
But I won’t do it from the Governor’s desk.
I've never believed that I, nor anyone else, needs a title to do this - to make a difference... to HELP people. So I choose, for my State and my family, more "freedom" to progress, all the way around... so that Alaska may progress... I will not seek re-election as Governor.
And so as I thought about this announcement that I wouldn’t run for re-election and what it means for Alaska, I thought about how much fun some governors have as lame ducks… travel around the state, to the Lower 48 (maybe), overseas on international trade – as so many politicians do. And then I thought – that’s what’s wrong – many just accept that lame duck status, hit the road, draw the paycheck, and “milk it”. I’m not putting Alaska through that – I promised efficiencies and effectiveness! ? That’s not how I am wired. I am not wired to operate under the same old “politics as usual.” I promised that four years ago – and I meant it.
It’s not what is best for Alaska.
I am determined to take the right path for Alaska even though it is unconventional and not so comfortable.
With this announcement that I am not seeking re-election… I’ve determined it’s best to transfer the authority of governor to Lieutenant Governor Parnell; and I am willing to do so, so that this administration – with its positive agenda, its accomplishments, and its successful road to an incredible future – can continue without interruption and with great administrative and legislative success.
My choice is to take a stand and effect change – not hit our heads against the wall and watch valuable state time and money, millions of your dollars, go down the drain in this new environment. Rather, we know we can effect positive change outside government at this moment in time, on another scale, and actually make a difference for our priorities – and so we will, for Alaskans and for Americans.
Let me go back to a comfortable analogy for me – sports… basketball. I use it because you’re naïve if you don’t see the national full-court press picking away right now: A good point guard drives through a full court press, protecting the ball, keeping her eye on the basket… and she knows exactly when to pass the ball so that the team can WIN. And I’m doing that – keeping our eye on the ball that represents sound priorities – smaller government, energy independence, national security, freedom! And I know when it’s time to pass the ball – for victory.
I have given my reasons candidly and truthfully… and my last day won’t be for another few weeks so the transition will be very smooth. In fact, we will look to swear Sean in – in Fairbanks at the conclusion of our Governor’s picnics.
I do not want to disappoint anyone with my decision; all I can ask is that you TRUST me with this decision – but it’s no more “politics as usual”.
Some Alaskans don’t mind wasting public dollars and state time. I do. I cannot stand here as your Governor and allow millions upon millions of our dollars go to waste just so I can hold the title of Governor. And my children won’t allow it either. ? Some will question the timing. ? Let’s just say, this decision has been in the works for awhile…
In fact, this decision comes after much consideration, and finally polling the most important people in my life - my children (where the count was unanimous... well, in response to asking: "Want me to make a positive difference and fight for ALL our children's future from OUTSIDE the Governor's office?" It was four "yes's" and one "hell yeah!" The "hell yeah" sealed it - and someday I'll talk about the details of that... I think much of it had to do with the kids seeing their baby brother Trig mocked by some pretty mean-spirited adults recently.) Um, by the way, sure wish folks could ever, ever understand that we ALL could learn so much from someone like Trig - I know he needs me, but I need him even more... what a child can offer to set priorities RIGHT – that time is precious... the world needs more "Trigs", not fewer.
My decision was also fortified during this most recent trip to Kosovo and Landstuhl, to visit our wounded soldiers overseas, those who sacrifice themselves in war for OUR freedom and security… we can ALL learn from our selfless Troops… they’re bold, they don’t give up, they take a stand and know that LIFE is short so they choose to NOT waste time. They choose to be productive and to serve something greater than SELF... and to build up their families, their states, our country. These Troops and their important missions – those are truly the worthy causes in this world and should be the public priority with time and resources and NOT this local / superficial wasteful political bloodsport.
May we ALL learn from them!
*((Gotta put First Things First))*
First things first: as Governor, I love my job and I love Alaska. It hurts to make this choice but I am doing what’s best for Alaska. I’ve explained why… though I think of the saying on my parents’ refrigerator that says “Don’t explain: your friends don’t need it and your enemies won’t believe you anyway.”
But I have given my reasons… no more “politics as usual” and I am taking my fight for what’s right – for Alaska – in a new direction.
Now, despite this, I don’t want any Alaskan dissuaded from entering politics after seeing this REAL “climate change” that began in August… no, we NEED hardworking, average Americans fighting for what’s right! And I will support you because we need YOU and YOU can effect change, and I can too on the outside.
We need those who will respect our Constitution where government’s supposed to serve from the BOTTOM UP, not move toward this TOP DOWN big government take-over… but rather, will be protectors of individual rights - who also have enough common sense to acknowledge when conditions have drastically changed and are willing to call an audible and pass the ball when it’s time so the team can win! And that is what I’m doing!
Remember Alaska… America is now, more than ever, looking North to the Future. It'll be good. So God bless you, and from me and my family - to ALL Alaska - you have my heart.
And we will be in the capable hands of our Lieutenant Governor, Sean Parnell. And Lieutenant General Craig Campbell will assume the role of Lieutenant Governor. And it is my promise to you that I will always be standing by, ready to assist. We have a good, positive agenda for Alaska.
In the words of General MacArthur said, “We are not retreating. We are advancing in another direction.”
vendredi 3 juillet 2009
Smearing the census
Apple Store, NYCJuly 11, 2008
waiting to buy the iPhone
Because the image is getting browner and browner, more and more, ah, "ethnic", and telling a story of the USA they do not particularly approve as being out of line with their version of the USA, reality and humanity?
When I have a little free time, I think I'll check out what the Republicans had to say to Americans when the census came under their watch of duty in the White House.
Meanwhile, here is a sampling of the idiocy coming out of their camp for the 2010 census.
A terrible, terrible, dangerous thing... for them. Five words: keep them out of power.
Back to work on the green room.
....
mercredi 1 juillet 2009
New habits
It's been a long struggle for me, one I knew I was going to lose because I needed to. It was a matter of time and some combination of mystery and magic that cannot be named that did the work. Correction: that is doing the work. It's not done yet.
She is my youngest stepchild, the youngest of my husband's five children, the second from his second relationship, a relationship the end of which didn't make our beginning easy. I started with the best of intentions; I nearly finished with the worst. I was trying to aim for something in between, something that resembled the Hippocratic oath; do no harm. The problem is that with children, that is not enough; in fact, it is doing harm. You have to do better, even if it kills you.
Our friends gave me the best advice, for years. It amounted to "let their father take his responsibility; you are not responsible" and "be kind". I wanted him to do things the way I would; I didn't want to be kind. That kind of thinking leads straight to one place, one place neither one of us wanted to go: divorce court. In the case of my own childhood, it led to our father letting us go. I married a man very different from my own father. I like to think that I did that on purpose. I like to think that if we are committed, doomed to repeat our own histories, perhaps changing roles along the way, it isn't to make the same mistakes our parents -- however many were involved, for better or for worse -- made, but to learn from them.
That, it turns out, is easier said than done.
Perhaps, I justified, if we had had a child together, it would have been easier to hold my heart open. Maybe, I told anyone who would listen, if their mother were more like I am, it would be smoother. Surely, we all nodded in agreement, if she didn't hate me so much, it would be easier. But, the fact remained, none of that was going to be any different or change. Close your eyes and reopen them in front of the mirror as many times as you like, you will still see you; do the same in front of the Polaroid of your life, and you will still see your life, with all the same people in all the same situations.
But, it's not working!, you wail.
But, I'm not happy!, you lament, looking for someone to make it all better.
Have a temper tantrum, pout, refuse, dig your heels in, the fact remains: the situation isn't going to change until you do.
Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbour as thyself.Yeah. Thanks, Luke. And Mark, and Matthew, and James, and Leviticus and Romans and Galatians and Ephesians.
And he said unto him, Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live.
And what if I don't like her? What if she really annoys me? What if she dresses really badly and sucks her thumb and wants her "doudou" still? And, what if her mother really resents me, and what if her father really loves me? I can hear the apostles tapping their feet and sighing.
There's no fighting Jesus. Go ahead. Try. You can be a secular humanist, and it's still pretty hard to argue with Jesus. You can struggle with it all you want. You can flirt with depression and divorce, but it isn't going to change. If you want to live, you have to love.
"Tu veux monter à cheval?" I looked from the corner of my eye at the 12-year-old girl, riding shotgun. Unusual because I never take her anywhere. I made a first step and asked if she wanted to come with me to get some new fish. It was a chance to talk about the "crise" of the night before. The one that started in the car on the way home from family's for dinner, and exploded as soon as we walked in the door at 1 am, the final bouquet finally only coming at 3 am, after 2 hours of non-stop screaming, shouting and sobbing. That "crise". The smile crept across her face. She nodded yes.
I had tried translations of my favorite books from my childhood. Her cousin prefers them.
I thought I would take her shopping for a new wardrobe. It wasn't, it turns out, the place to start, but I didn't know that yet.
The place to start was inside me, and the second place is inside her.
"Je t'amenerai alors."
"Mais papa ne veut pas."
"Papa voudra. Je m'en occuperai. T'inquiète pas." And dad did.
"Merci," he said.
"C'est normal," I said.
"Je te chercherai mercredi à 13 h 30," I told her. "Sois prète et attends-moi au portail. Je ne sonnerai pas." She was at the gate, peering through the slats.
"Merci. C'est vraiment gentil de m'amener. Je suis très heureuse," she said, very -- as Jane Austen would say -- prettily. Very simply.
"Moi aussi," I said.
We rode in the car together. We walked together. We talked companionably. She could have been my daughter. I almost didn't take the camera. She's not my daughter. Take the camera. Her father will be thrilled to see the pictures. She will be happy to have them. You will be happy to take them. Alright, I've got the camera. I took 100 pictures. She looked proud.
"Il y a la bombe à 29,00 euros et il y a celle-là à 49,00. Le visier est souple, il y a des trous de ventilation et de la mousse pour absorber la transpiration," said the sales girl. It was 34°C in the sun. We all sweat today. I thought of her father and what he would do. He'd buy the less expensive one. No, wait -- I was there with her, not he; he was leaving it to me to decide. He'd be happy whatever I decided. The sales girl handed her the deep, soft brown velvet helmet with the flexible visor -- in the event of a shock; God forbid --, the ventilation and the perspiration absorbing foam. It was lovely.
"Essaie celle-ci aussi, pour voir." The sales girl put the black velvet one on.
"Tu es mieux dans laquelle des deux?" asked the sales girl.
"Elles sont pareilles," she said.
"Remets l'autre," I said. The sales girl put it on her head. She blushed and looked happier than I have seen her since I stopped being kind, a long time ago, when her mother told her not to wear the winter jacket we bought her, that she loved. I nodded.
"On prendra celle-là." She would not say the more expensive one. Not until I had made the decision in favor of her comfort, even if her head will still grow.
"En fait," she said, "J'ai eu très chaud à la tête cet après-midi." I nodded. I could have been excused for chosing the less expensive one, without the foam and ventilation, in November, but in July weather, with temperatures hot enough to fry the brain, it was a no brainer. Be kind.
The sales lady proposed the bag to carry it in, to keep the horse hairs off it. They are, it seems, difficult to remove. "Et le sac aussi," I said. I thought she might burst. We went to have her try on the pants, and left the sporting goods store with the short boots (like mine that I use for the motorcycle, my motorized horse), chaps, riding pants, socks, and the helmet and its bag.
"Merci," she said to me. "C'est vraiment gentil. Je pense que je vais faire plus qu'une année de cheval."
"J'espère," I told her, "que tu en feras beaucoup d'années de cheval." We drove her home.
"Et maintenant, quand mes cousines parlent du cheval, je vais pouvoir comprendre et parler avec elles." I nodded. That was also the intention. It isn't clothes that make you like others, and it isn't clothes that give you the confidence to speak up; it's sharing things in common and having the sort of real confidence that comes from accomplishment.
"A mardi alors." She thanked me again, got out of the car and headed to the gate, open, waiting for her return to leave for the weekend. "Capucine?" She turned and looked back. "13 h 45 ira mardi." Her first 3-hour summer session, twice a week for the month of July, is Tuesday. She smiled and nodded. She'll be ready, in her riding clothes, next week.
"Pourquoi tu ne montes pas avec elle?" asked my husband. He was home when I returned from the supermarket later. I was showing him the pictures. He hadn't expected any.
"Elle me disait la même chose."
"Ca serait super. Inscris-toi en même temps qu'elle."
"Elle d'abord,et on verra pour moi plus tard."
"Merci," said my husband, "C'est vraiment gentil." I nodded.
I am going to have to get used to being nice. It appears that the horseback riding is going to help more than just one of us do some growing.
I can fight it, but I might just be shelving the arsenic sauce.
Beauty is something that starts inside, with pride.
....